If you have ever faced and lived with a narcissistic person, you can testify to the fact that there is nothing as draining and infuriating. In my psychology practice, I have seen many people who had problems maintaining relationships with such individuals. Here, I will give an insight into how to identify a narcissist, how to deal with them, and how to prevent yourself from being negatively affected by the narcissist.
Narcissistic Person: Meaning and Definition
A narcissist is a person who has a great sense of self-importance, a constant need for attention, and does not possess sensitivity toward others’ feelings[1]. Those who experience these to the point where they have an impact on their lives are considered to have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).[1].
Narcissistic personality disorder can be present in both men and women, however, the females diagnosed with this disorder might have a different appearance[3]. The symptoms in women might include being demanding, airy, needing attention all the time, or being self-absorbed. They exert undue pressure, use persuasion, and employ emotional strategies to get things done their way. Often, they present themselves as victims to gain sympathy.
Whether men or women, It is important to identify these patterns so that one can prevent themselves from being afflicted by these detrimental elements.
Recognizing Narcissistic Personality: Key Characteristics
A narcissistic personality can be self-absorbed. They are controlling in relationships and have no consideration for other people’s needs. There are a few key approaches to understanding narcissistic personality traits:
- Self-importance or exaggeration of self-worth or over-estimation of one’s abilities and achievements.
- Obsessions with ideas of being successful, influential, smart, or stunning.
- The need for admiration and validation that is constant.
- A feeling of privilege and expectation of privilege.
- Taking advantage of other people for own agenda.
- While pursuing personal objectives, the person does not care about others’ feelings and wants.
- Frequencies of self-reported jealousy or feeling that other people are jealous of observing them.
- Unkind or inappropriate behavior.
Narcissistic individuals might appear to be very pleasant at first meeting but they show their traits gradually.
How to Talk to a Narcissistic Person?
It is not easy to communicate with a narcissistic person. Narcissists are sensitive and they most likely are not willing to listen to feedbacks to change.
Here are some proven ways to communicate with a narcissistic person in a manner that does not result in the worsening of the situation.[6]
- Stay calm and composed: Narcissists feed on emotions. The reactions of people around them that they notice, and the attention that they get from others are their reactors. Avoid getting easily angered by their obnoxious behavior.
- Use ‘I’ statements: While addressing them, it is recommended to avoid blaming but rather explain how those actions impact you. For instance, Avoid using “You never listen to me,” instead use “I feel hurt when you ignore my opinion.”
- Set clear boundaries: Do not beat around the bush as to what is allowed and what is not allowed. Ensure that they understand when they are wrong, and inform them when they are out of order politely.
- Avoid arguing: It is also important not to argue with them as this will only aggravate the situation.
Learn to Say No to a Narcissistic Person
Narcissistic personalities always expect others to adjust to their way of doing things or even act according to their whims and fancy. It is never easy to say “no.” However, it is important to take accountability and say it to protect yourself. Here are some tips on how to say no to a narcissistic person effectively:
- Be assertive: Do not focus on explaining the reasons for your rejection. Merely saying “No, I am not able to do that” will do. Just make sure the tone is soft and polite.
- Avoid getting emotional: Psychopaths may exhibit various attitudes and one of them is that they may either try to embarrass you or make you feel guilty. These people are known to use emotions to influence your decisions; therefore, do not bend to their pressure.
- Reinforce your boundaries: If you do not want to agree on the topic, keep denying it until the person gets the clarity of your No.
Avoid Arguements with a Narcissist
A narcissist is a person with a higher degree of self-centeredness and has little tolerance for the other person’s view. They mostly deny having a problem in them and more often they will not seek help.
If you’re wondering how to help a narcissistic person[4], here are a few tips:
- Advice professional help: Tell them to go find a therapist who deals with narcissistic personality disorder. Therapies might make them understand about their behavior and how it makes others feel.
- Avoid enabling: It is also important not to respond to manipulative or toxic behavior. This won’t solve the problem rather will ignite it.
- Be patient: Change is a slow and gradual process when expecting results from a narcissistic disorder personality.
Coping with a Narcissistic Person in Relationships
Having a relationship with a narcissist may make you feel dizzy, underrated, and drained emotionally. Be it a partner, relative, or friend, interacting with such people is always tiring emotionally.
For instance, one of my clients was in a relationship with a narcissistic partner. Her partner would very often berate her for how she looked and how she failed at the things she did. When she attempted to voice out her pain, this man would twist the narrative, making her seem like the wrong one. Narcissists always blame others without accepting their mistakes or wrongdoings.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissistic person, it’s crucial to remember these aspects.
• Protect your self-esteem: The self-asserting person loves to demean other people to assert his dominance over them. Don’t have self-doubt when you know the person has traits of a narcissistic person
Seek support: It is also helpful to discuss the situation with peers or relatives or consult a psychologist who will help to keep things in the right proportion.
Consider boundaries: However, if the toxic traits turn the relationship into a toxic one, then it is okay to step away or end the relationship. Make sure to prioritize self-love when dealing with narcissistic behavior.
It is time to ‘Stop Being a Narcissistic Person’.
If there are any narcissistic traits that you have in you, get alert to get away from them. It’s worth underlining that narcissism is an alarming sign which affects relationships and leads to the deterioration of health[5]. The first thing you need to do is, develop the guts to apologize for your behavior and go to therapy sessions to figure out why are you narcissistic. Changing from being a narcissistic person involves taking into consideration the importance of empathy, listening to others, and learning how to be less self-focused.
Conclusion
It can be draining to try and navigate a relationship with a narcissist, however, learning about the characteristics of a narcissist, establishing limits, and getting support is completely self-preservative and is important to ensure you do not get emotionally toxic by the narcissist. If you are facing narcissistic behavior in your relationships and don’t know how to cope with it or if you are trying to help a narcissistic person, please, stay safe and sound, and do not hesitate to seek professional assistance.
If you think, you have any of these narcissistic traits[2], recognize the issue and seek counseling to find out more about the causes that resulted in narcissism. Empathy, listening to the other person, and learning how to suppress one’s egoistic demands and wishes are the ways to put an end to narcissism.
References
- [1] Cleveland Clinic. Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Medically Reviewed, Last reviewed on 08/03/2023.
- [2] WebMD Editorial Contributor.Signs of Narcissism Medically Reviewed by Jabeen Begum, MD on March 30, 2023
- [3] Positive Reset Mental Health Clinic. Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Women , Published Date: Nov 7, 2023
- [4] Erin Leonard Ph.D. Emotional Intelligence Can Win an Argument With a Narcissist Reviewed by Gary Drevitch
- [5] Bryan Lufkin. Why some narcissists actually hate themselves
- [6] Angel M Hoodye. M.S. LPC-S, CART How to Communicate With Narcissists, 17th January 2024
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