Since childhood, we have been taught to practice ‘give and take’ in everything. For example, give birthday gifts and receive return gifts; to earn respect, we must give respect; study hard to get the highest marks; and so on. We grow up developing a personality where everything has a set outcome, and eventually, we find ourselves obsessed with outcomes. Whether getting that promotion, passing an important exam, or reaching a fitness milestone, we channel so much energy into achieving specific results.
I was no different from the crowd until my journey showed me that detaching from outcomes can significantly improve our well-being and success. This concept, rooted in spiritual and psychological practices, has profoundly impacted my life, and knowing the facts and science behind it, I am confident it can transform anyone’s life if they work on their detachment mindset.
My Journey with Detachment
At a very young age, I was recognized as ‘The High Achiever.’ I was setting goals to achieve and pursuing my dreams, no matter the obstacles along the path. This determination brought many successes but also led to significant stress and anxiety. While working on my mental peace, I noticed all my happiness was linked to achieving specific results, and I realized that when things didn’t happen as expected, I felt discouraged.
Determined to change, I found some self-help books and there I was introduced to the unique idea of detachment. I learned how different it was to focus on the process rather than specific results which showed me the way to balance my life and live it peacefully.
What is Detachment?
To clearly understand the meaning of detachment, it is important to understand that it is about detaching ourselves from the outcome of the tasks we perform. It doesn’t mean detaching ourselves from our tasks or responsibilities. It means keeping trust in the universe (or God) and accepting whatever comes our way as the outcome of our actions.
In Buddhism, for example, detachment is a path to enlightenment, helping individuals avoid suffering by releasing their attachment to desires and outcomes. However, the idea of detachment is not solely dependent on trust; it also has a strong scientific basis.
Dr. Lisa Aspinwall at the University of Utah has a published research report stating that people who are detached from the outcome cope better with stress and are psychologically healthier. Detachment helps shift our mindset from results to processes. It also helps us enjoy the process of our tasks because we focus on our actions rather than on outcomes we cannot control.
I found another supportive statement on detachment from a study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology that confirms detachment can enhance performance. Participants who were instructed to detach from the outcome of a task performed better and reported lower anxiety levels compared to those obsessed with the result.
This suggests that letting go of outcomes can improve our chances of success. Similar to these are numerous researches by various psychologists and experts that confirm that people who focus on the process rather than the outcome tend to experience more positive emotions and well-being, and ultimately achieve better results.
How to Practice Detachment
With my knowledge of psychology, interest in spirituality, and having read many factual reports from researchers, I was excited to learn and practice detachment to enjoy my everyday tasks and live with a sense of abundance rather than a feeling of lack.
Here are a few ways that I use to practice detachment to shift my mindset from stress to serenity and help me live a life full of harmony and contentment.
Expectations and Attachment
The very first thing to practice detachment is to disconnect all thoughts about what will happen after you are done with your work. For example, if you are working on a project for your business or company, do not build any expectations on whether it will meet the expectations of the recipient or not. Instead, get attached to the project activities and give your best. This will keep you motivated while working. Your performance is guaranteed to be excellent if your energy is channeled towards a perfect completion.
Accepting all the Ups and Downs
Build a mindset that knows life is uncertain and also remember that all ups and downs that surpass us are temporary. If we know and accept that life comes with both “Yes” and “No,” it will be easier to accept a ‘No’ without triggering our stress and anxiety. This reminds me of the famous J.K. Rowling, the successful author of the Harry Potter series who got ‘Yes’ for her publishing after having multiple ‘No’s’. Rowling’s ability to accept ‘No’, and improve her writing without focusing on the outcome made her one of the most successful authors of all time.
Mindful Living
Mindful living means focusing fully on the present moment without any ‘ifs’ or ‘buts.’ Whatever we do, our focus should be 100 percent on the task. For example, if meditating, focus should be on our breathing, or while working on any project, focus on the processes. If we start focusing on our actions rather than results, our obsession with the outcome will vanish on its own and so will our worries and stress.
We can learn from the inspiring story of Michael Jordan, the legendary basketball player who had many setbacks and failures during his initial days. Jordan was determined to improve and was learning from his failures. He was mindful while playing and his focus on the tasks rather than the outcome made him what we all can see now.
Learn from the Past
Has it ever happened to you that things didn’t go as planned and you were extremely disheartened? And later you realized the rejection earlier was a blessing in disguise because you were destined for something better. I recall being rejected in an interview at a call center back in 2004 when call center salaries and benefits were unbeatable. At first, I was devastated, but soon after, I got an opportunity to work with a digital media company as a software testing executive and there it was the beginning of my amazing career. I wouldn’t be writing here if that call center had hired me. Reflecting on such incidents reinforces the value of detachment. So, whenever you get a negative response, trust that something better is coming your way.
Practice Gratitude
Being thankful and content is one of the best practices for peaceful living. It might sound bookish to many, but millions of people have achieved great heights just by having a feeling of gratitude within them. When we shift focus from what we lack to what we have, it brings a feeling of contentment and this channels our energy towards positive thinking which ultimately results in peace and harmony in life.
The Benefits of Detachment
After practicing detachment and being successful in it, I found many benefits, and a few of them that are counted to lead a happy and healthy life are listed below:
- Gets Rid of Stress and Anxiety: When you don’t bother about what will happen next, half of your stress and worries vanish then and there. But letting go of the expected results doesn’t mean we have to stop working hard, it’s just that when we shift our focus and mindset from results to the process of our work, we are in better mental health to handle everything that comes our way, to live a positive and peaceful life and to get rid of stress and anxiety.
- Get the Power of Resilience: When we are not obsessed with the result of our work, we become more resilient to handle all the challenges that come our way, and it’s because we have kept our happy hormones alive to bring more energy, power, and resilience within us. Failures and setbacks are not seen as life threats rather they motivate us to take a challenge for better growth and opportunities.
- Experience your Creativity: When we pressurize our brain to get something that is not in our control, it does nothing but kill our creativity and push us towards feelings of anxiety and stress. Contrary to this, when we are focused on giving our best without expecting any outcome, there is no end to creativity in our work because creativity, ideas, and innovations come through motivation and in the absence of stress and worries.
- Enjoying Happy Relationships: There is a famous saying about relationships that I have read and heard many times: “It is always give and take.” When you detach yourself from the outcome, you stop following this phrase because relationships are treasures to keep and not to practice give and take. Detachment practice will eradicate these thoughts from you and you will cherish every relationship without any expectations.
Final Takeaway
One of the best ways to practice detachment is to remember a proverb that says, “Everything happens for the best.” By understanding the true meaning of this proverb, we get the power to accept that everything that comes our way is good for us in every way. If this starts happening in your life, you are already detached from the outcome and you will have peace, harmony, and the best things in life. I have been practicing this mindset for years now, and the shift has been life-changing for me. If I can live in harmony and abundance, I’m sure it will work wonders for anyone who practices it. Focusing on the journey rather than the destination often brings unexpected and wonderful results.
References
(1) Aspinwall, Lisa G. “Faculty Profile: Lisa Aspinwall.” University of Utah Department of Psychology, https://psych.utah.edu/people/faculty/aspinwall-lisa.php. Accessed 9 Aug. 2024.
(2) Supportive Statement on Detachment from a Study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology Confirming That Detachment Can Enhance Performance.” Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, vol. 88, 2020, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7205444/. Accessed 9 Aug. 2024.
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