Imagine you are at a social gathering where you see people of your age having successful careers, amazing partners, and luxurious lives. Someone walks up to you and engages in a conversation but there is a feeling that starts building inside you. You can’t help but start comparing yourself to those around you or even try to meet the standards that are required of you. This is the effect of social pressure, where you start to feel that you can’t measure up to the accomplishments and success of those around you.
It is usually experienced when you find yourself doing things because other people or society around you want you to do them rather than because you want to. These social pressures can manifest in many ways, such as taking part in risky activities, being available on social media 24 hours, and making unfavourable comparisons with friends and celebrities. These societal pressures have been found in recent research to negatively impact mental health, with many people sacrificing their happiness over them.
Impact of Social Pressures
Society’s rules and standards shape social pressure, which can affect our mental health. This pressure can be taken as inspirational as well as negative. What we mean by inspirational social pressures is that they can be a great tool for learning and improving from those around us, such as exercising and eating well.
Sometimes, it is easy to fit in, but most of the time, it may feel like changing thoughts, choices, and attitudes to avoid being the odd one out. Such constant social pressure can rob you of your self-confidence, as your peers may say unkind things, sabotaging your self-esteem.
But why do we get affected by all these social pressures? The main reason is that our brains are “wired” to be very sensitive to what other people think and feel. Even one study found that social pressure seems to have measurable effects on the brain, especially on our actions.
Another reason is that people trust their social circle, which allows them to tell them what to do or not to do. It is termed “the Principal of Social proof“. When we see what other people are doing or liking, we feel a little pressure to do the same. So, many people think something is good just because a lot of other people do it or like it.
How to Deal With Social Pressure?
Honestly, social pressure is not something we can truly escape from. So, instead of avoiding it, we can learn about how to cope with it. There are many techniques you can use to resist this pressure and cope when it builds. Let’s look at some of the best ones.
1. Follow the Distract and Distance Strategy
Knowing the difference between wanting to live a specific way and feeling pressured to live a certain way is really important. And the easiest way to overcome such social pressure is to follow the distract and distance strategy. Here is how you can implement it.
- Distract: It is easy to get caught in a cycle of self-doubt. One minute you scroll on social media, and the next, you feel miserable about yourself. Here, the distraction is a game changer. Find something pleasurable or helpful to do instead of allowing those negative thoughts to overtake you. If you are at a party, you can also talk to someone positive around you.
- Distancing yourself from negative thoughts and false narratives coming from social media, friends, or even your own inner critic. You must remember that just because you thought of something or somebody told you about it does not mean it is right.
Take it as a mental de-clutter, where you must let go of anything that doesn’t contribute to your mental well-being. While it might take time, it is not impossible and is the quickest way to define yourself and make the right decisions for you.
2. Embrace Yourself Even With Imperfections
It is pretty easy to succumb to social pressure when you don’t feel good about yourself. But here, the best thing to do is to embrace yourself and learn to accept who you are. Accept that you don’t need other opinions on what you have to do in your life or even feel good about yourself. If someone doesn’t agree with your choice, that’s their problem. Also, remember that everyone’s journey is different and it’s perfectly fine to go against the norm if that’s what makes you feel most like yourself.
3. Set Your Boundaries
Setting boundaries is hard; not doing it is equally harmful. If you don’t set boundaries, people will treat you however they want. That is why setting a threshold limit is very important.
This could include how long you’re ready to spend with certain people, the sorts of things you feel safe talking about, or the kinds of behaviour you can stand.
For example, if someone asks you personal questions about your dating life, you can always tell them you are uncomfortable discussing it. If they still keep pushing you beyond your limits, it can be an indication that you aren’t valued where you are.
Consider this advice the next time you need to decide who to surround yourself with. Maybe you’ll find people who value and respect you and your limits.
4. Know Your Why?
A major problem with societal pressure is that most of us usually lack clarity on our own. So, knowing your reasons for doing or not doing something under peer or social pressure is another helpful strategy to cope. It really comes in handy when you want to do something that is considered the norm in your society.
For example, having a partner by the time you’re 25 is a social standard. In this case, you need to figure out why you want it. For example, you can ask yourself, Do you think you would be interested in having a partner at this moment? Do you feel lonely, or is it like all your friends are married?
If you are unsure, take some time to locate your inner compass and then think. This method can help you figure out whether how you feel is more caused by personal reasons or by social pressure.
5. No Comparison Rule
Understand that all human beings are created equal and there is no one who can dictate to you what you can do. Of course, there may be someone smarter than you, but does that entitle him or her to stay on this planet while you can’t? Everyone is entitled to their job, whether it’s to be a teacher, a carpenter, a humanitarian, a global leader, or a parent. So when you decide on anything concerning your life or your career, do it from your heart with no comparisons.
6. Stay True to Your Values
Sometimes, we can lose sight of what’s important when we feel like we have to be liked all the time. But the key here is to always remember your upbringing, values, and religious considerations. Like, if you don’t smoke or drink, be honest about it and politely decline such invitations. You can also speak up to the person pressuring you, explain your point, and ask them to stop.
Since not all forms of social pressure are negative, this does not imply that we must always resist them. So consider your values, stay confident about the choices you make, and prioritize your own thoughts. Your first choice must be what you like to do, not the others.
7. Remove the Social Triggers
Be mindful of the social media you use. It is effortless to fall into the trap of an exaggerated and idealized online life. That is why it is important to increase your social media literacy. Understand that online life isn’t always true and comparing your life to others will only give you anxiety.
If you are getting too much into it, consider taking a break from social media. As per research published by the Happiness Research Institute, those who cut off social media for a week reported higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction. So, you can also try taking a break from social media or improving your trigger management skills.
8. Pen Down your Achievements
Social pressure might make you feel like you haven’t accomplished anything important or appreciable and that you are a loser when compared to your friends and family.
You can overcome this feeling by making a habit of writing down what you’ve accomplished every day. It can be as small as a task you didn’t expect to do or as big as getting really good at a new skill. This easy habit will help you remember that your accomplishments are still important, even if they don’t look exactly the same as someone else’s.
9. Understand What You Can Control
Focusing on what we cannot control leaves us small and anxious. But you can focus on the things that are within our reach. So you might not have the fanciest car right now or not be getting down the aisle like all of your age fellows, but you can focus on the aspects of life you can work on.
The main idea is to change your thoughts from “I do not own it.” to “ I can have the same things for myself when the time is right.” And by following this, your energy moves to something better than getting stuck in social pressure and comparison.
Key Takeaways
Getting under social pressure is totally understandable and keeping up with whatever comes your way is really tough. But we must stop being people-pleasers under societal pressure and start putting our own needs first.
Also by following the strategies discussed in this article, you can start freeing yourself from that never-ending social pressure. So, choose some of the methods mentioned above as your guide and start acting on them.
Building unshakable confidence is a secret to escaping social pressure. For that reason, we encourage you to read our guide on How to Boost Self-confidence. It includes some great methods of removing self-doubt, tips on how to be more confident, and addressing the inner voice.
And if, despite all this, you feel like you are struggling with social pressure on a consistent basis, then it may be helpful for you to talk to a therapist.
References:
Cialdini, Robert B. Influence: Science and Practice, 3rd ed. Jan. 1993, psycnet.apa.org/record/1992-98649-000.
Dejonckheere, Egon, et al. “Perceiving societal pressure to be happy is linked to poor well-being, especially in happy nations.” Scientific Reports, vol. 12, no. 1, Feb. 2022, https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-021-04262-z.
“Distraction and Distancing.” Cwm Taf University Health Board – Psychological Therapies Department. https://ctmuhb.nhs.wales/services/mental-health/self-help-resources/stabilisation-pack/stabilisation-pack/self-help/distraction-and-distancing-pdf/.
Van Kempen, Jochem, et al. “Behavioural and neural signatures of perceptual decision-making are modulated by pupil-linked arousal.” eLife, vol. 8, Mar. 2019, https://doi.org/10.7554/elife.42541.
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