You might have heard about the concept of the inner child. Many people use this to mention pure happiness and joy, often linking it to the carefree spirit of childhood. But for some, this can be a bittersweet journey of emotions. These damaged parts of ourselves can become emotional wounds and have a great impact on our relationships and choices as adults. Nobody wants to carry these inner child wounds from the past, right?
This article is all about inner child wounds, what that means, how to spot them based on the types and signs, and why it’s important to heal them.
What is an Inner Child?
In analytical psychology, an inner child refers to an adult’s childlike aspect. It means your inner child is the unconscious part of who you are now and it can recall all your past experiences. This concept was developed by Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist
Like everyone else, you were once a child who used to absorb everything like a sponge. This inner child of yours holds the essence of creativity, spontaneity, joy, and playfulness. But it may also be burdened by the anguish of unresolved trauma and unfulfilled desires. But now, that piece lives inside of you.
What are Inner Child Wounds?
Inner child wounds are emotional pains and unresolved issues that affect us as adults. This part of us holds memories and emotions from when we were younger, especially from times that were hard or terrifying.
There is a pretty strong link in the field of psychology between traumatic events in childhood and mental health problems as an adult. This has been shown in many study studies. In fact, traumatic events in youth have been linked to changes in brain growth and cognition that last a lifetime.
That is why, when your inner child is wounded, the negative emotions cause you to feel like you can’t seep into the present day and impact your daily activities and relationships. A great example is Repaunzel. Her mother taught her and, ultimately, her inner child that she was worthless and that she needed her approval for everything.
Had Rapunzel not escaped the tower and experienced the world her way, she would have grown to be a woman with that wounded inner child who still believed those things about herself and stayed locked in the tower.
This is exactly what happens when your wounded inner child is not cared for.
What Are Types of Inner Child Wounds?
Now let’s break down the most common types of inner child wounds and discuss how they impact our relationships and decisions in the present.
1. Abandonment Wound
This type of inner child wound comes from not having caretakers or parents around or being left or abandoned as a child. This led to the development of abandonment issues as adults.
People who have these wounds are usually afraid of being turned down in future relationships as well. And to avoid abandonment, they might let their guard down, fearing that if they stood up for themselves, it might lead to rejection from relationships.
2. Neglect/Rejection Wound
People often mix up neglect and abandonment because they are very much related to each other.
But neglect means being ignored, treated poorly, forgotten, or not cared for. It can happen when a child’s mental, physical, or social needs are not met. This can make them feel like they don’t deserve love and attention. It leads to poor self-esteem and doubting their abilities as an adult.
3. Trust Wound
Trust wounds form when people in your life fail to protect you from harm as a child. It means the trust was broken by betrayal by caregivers or inconsistent emotional support. Because of this, many adults try to avoid situations where they could get hurt.
So, in order to avoid it, such people tend to have behavior that can be shown as not believing what others are saying or thinking they are lying. Or some bigger things, like thinking their partner is cheating on them when they’re not.
4. Guilt Wound
Often, the guilt wound comes from times as a child when a child felt responsible for other people’s feelings or well-being, especially parents. As an adult, you might feel bad about things and apologize for them too much, even when it’s not right. Such behavior makes it hard to put your needs and wants first.
5. Wound of Injustice
This type of wound comes from being treated unfairly by parents, friends, or other people. When children with such wounds grow up, they feel powerless.
Some of them may act irritated or as adults or think they deserve special care. A lot of the time, they feel like victims and think that life isn’t fair to them. This can make it hard for them to feel happy and connected to others.
Signs of Wounded Inner Child
Most of us are dealing with some form of inner child wounds because no one ever experiences a completely trauma-free childhood. Once you understand how your wounded inner child is affecting your adult life, you can begin to heal those wounds.
Here are some common signs of a wounded inner child that suggest it’s time for healing. Let’s read them one by one.
1. You are a People-Pleaser
If you always find yourself making other people a priority without giving any importance to your own needs and wants, then you may have a wounded inner child.
People’s pleasing often stems from fear of rejection and abandonment, causing people to prioritize others over them.
2. You Self-Criticize
One of the signs you might notice is that you always find fault with yourself and think your feelings aren’t real. It could be because the adults in your life were too critical or demanding when you were younger.
As an adult, it can show up as blaming yourself for hours after a mistake at work. Or going over the event over and over in your mind and feeling like a failure instead of seeing it as a normal part of learning.
3. You Always Seek Other’s Approval
Do you always feel better when others validate you? But once it stops, you start to feel empty again.
Seeking approval from others is totally healthy. But if you need praise for who you are and what you do and to be told over and over that you are doing well and you fit, then this might be a sign that your inner child is wounded.
4. You Have Relationship Problems
A neglected or upset inner child can make it difficult to build healthy relationships with your friends and family. This all may result in family tension and feeling rejected, outcast, and criticized by others. Because your inner child doesn’t feel at peace, some internal feelings of frustration or resentment may constantly cause you to get into misunderstandings with those around you.
5. You Feel Extra Responsible
We all know that we have to be responsible as adults. However, thinking you are in charge of everything and everyone around you. And thinking you need to handle everything and everyone in your unique way is a sign of an early-grown inner child inside you.
6. You Have Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Anything we do to avoid negative or distressing feelings we may have comes under the category of unhealthy coping mechanisms.
And if you feel like you are doing something extra to avoid a negative feeling or thinking about, something like drinking, excessively using social media or gaming, or even excessively working just to keep yourself busy, then you may need some inner child work.
7. You Have Mental Health Issues
People who have inner child wounds often feel empty, useless, and lost all the time.
There may also be mental health problems like C-PTSD, anxiety, sadness, addiction, eating disorders, and more. Physical problems like headaches, chronic fatigue syndrome, and fibromyalgia have also been linked to traumatic events in childhood.
If you resonate with any of the signs above, just remember that you are not alone. Many people have inner child wounds, and having them doesn’t make you less valuable. You just need to understand these wounds and find out what you can do to heal them.
Fortunately, it is possible to fix your inner child’s wounds, which is known as inner child work. It is very important to address this as if you don’t heal your inner child, you could have problems as an adult, like relationship issues, drug use, low self-esteem, and more.
Online Resources to Find Inner Child Wounds
If you are not sure about the childhood experiences you had, a few online quizzes can help you understand your inner child’s wounds.
This quiz from marriage.com has a simple 15-question survey that helps you uncover the kind of childhood you experienced. It offers valuable insights into your past and how it shapes your inner child today.
The other one is from mywellbeing.com. You can take this 2-minute quiz to find out how your childhood experiences have shaped you and what you could be dealing with now that you’re an adult.
Summing It Up
Lots of us still carry the scars from our childhood, and most of the time we don’t even know how they affect our lives now. But you can start to break free from these wounded patterns that hold you back by understanding what these inner child wounds are.
There are also some signs that show you have a wounded inner child, like people-pleasing, self-criticism, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. If any of these signs sound like you, you should pay attention. Being aware of these behaviors can help you deal with the mental pain that’s hiding beneath them.
Now take some time and think, Are any of these signs showing up? The first step to getting your mental health back is to admit that you need to heal. You deserve to be free from the bounds of your past and have a healthy, happy future.
As we now identify the wounded inner child, let’s remember that winter blues can make it feel worse. So, if you’re feeling down this winter, our article “Beating the Winter Blues: How to Get Out of Winter Depression Naturally” will help you get back on track and be more joyful.
FAQs
What is the inner child wound theory?
Inner child theory suggests that unresolved emotional wounds from childhood might influence how we act as adults. These wounds also affect relationships or well-being in general. Mentally, they are unhealthy, and if we acknowledge them and fix them, then we can get our happiness back.
What are the 5 wounds of the inner child?
There are five basic types of wounds of the inner child. These are abandonment, rejection, betrayal, shame, and injustice. Each of these wounds can affect the way we act and how we behave as adults.
How do you heal a wounded inner child?
To heal the wounded inner child, you have to understand and work through past pain. Try to overcome it with strategies. Therapy can help guide this process and help people grow emotionally.
How long does inner child healing take?
Healing the inner child isn’t a spontaneous process. It could take a few weeks, a few months, or even a few years for someone to fully recover from it. But the real deal is to accept that you are on the road to change and not try to beat the clock.
References
Campbell, Katharine Ann. “The neurobiology of childhood trauma, from early physical pain onwards: as relevant as ever in today’s fractured world.” European Journal of Psychotraumatology, vol. 13, no. 2, Oct. 2022, https://doi.org/10.1080/20008066.2022.2131969.
Sjöblom, Margareta, et al. “Health throughout the lifespan: The phenomenon of the inner child reflected in events during childhood experienced by older persons.” International Journal of Qualitative Studies on Health and Well-Being, vol. 11, no. 1, Jan. 2016, p. 31486. https://doi.org/10.3402/qhw.v11.31486.
De Bellis, Michael D., and Abigail Zisk. “The Biological Effects of Childhood Trauma.” Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics of North America, vol. 23, no. 2, Feb. 2014, pp. 185–222. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chc.2014.01.002.
Powers, Abigail, et al. “Associations Between Childhood Abuse, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, and Implicit Emotion Regulation Deficits: Evidence From a Low-Income, Inner-City Population.” Psychiatry, vol. 78, no. 3, July 2015, pp. 251–64. https://doi.org/10.1080/00332747.2015.1069656.
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