“Move on and forget it.”

“You will find someone better.”

“It’s not as tough as you make it look like!”

These might be some of the phrases you have heard from the people around you if you have ever had a breakup or if you are experiencing one. Breaking up, whether it’s a friendship or a relationship, is undoubtedly difficult and can trigger a whirlwind of emotions for anyone involved. It can also make you feel like you will never come out of this heartbreak.

But like there is a solution for anything, this article can help you understand how to deal with a breakup and what you can do to heal a broken heart. 

Stages of a Breakup

Before we go deep and talk about how to deal with a breakup, it is important to know how many stages of grief you might be going through. These are the basic stages of grief, as we all know, but here, they are covered from the perspective of a breakup. Learning them this way will help you manage and deal with your feelings better. 

• Denial: Denial marks the beginning of the breakup, where you struggle to accept that it’s really over. You might find yourself hoping for reconciliation and spending a different amount of time in this confusing phase. 

• Anger: As the denial wears off, you might be asking yourself questions like, “How can he/she do this to me?” Or “I am not the one who did it.” It is basically anger, where you start blaming others or even thinking of taking revenge on them.

• Bargaining: This stage makes you salvage your relationship. You might think about past events and how things could have been different if you were together.

• Depression: After a few weeks, the fourth stage of depression sets in where you can start to wonder, “How will I survive without them?”. You feel sad and hopeless like you’ve lost everything. 

• Acceptance: In the end, you will feel a change in your thoughts and accept that the relationship is over. You might find out why things ended and for what reason. The intense sadness will fade away, and you will feel lighter and ready to move on. 

Why Do You Need to Heal From Breakup?

There is no doubt that breakups can hurt your emotions, but their mental effects can be harsh as well. Studies have shown that breakups may cause feelings that are quite similar to withdrawal from an addiction. This can cause mental health issues like intrusive thoughts, insomnia, and even decreased immune function. 

Some people might think these effects aren’t very important, but the truth is that they can have a major impact on your mental and physical health. That is why the sooner you know how to deal with a breakup, the better it is. 

8 Best Tips on How to Deal With a Breakup

Now that you have understood the stages and the importance of moving on, the next step is to learn some tips on how to get through a breakup. These tips also apply to answering your question about how to deal with friendship breakups, except a few. 

1. Don’t Fight With Your Feelings

You know that you are hurt, and the only way to deal with that pain of a breakup is to truly experience it. So don’t rush on the emotions; let yourself feel them one at a time. There might be good moments and some bad ones too. So, if you feel like crying, then cry. While crying might have a bad reputation, it is extremely helpful. One study also supports this claim that crying can release oxytocin and endorphins, which help to ease emotional as well as physical pain. 

So take your time, be gentle with your feelings, and let them out in the way you want to. 

2. Don’t Personalise the Loss

If you suffered a breakup from a romantic relationship, it is totally normal to feel like you are the one to be blamed. A lot of pain can also come from believing that it’s all your fault and regretting the choices you made when you were together. But this cycle of guilt has to come to an end at some point, so why not make it now? 

The best you can do here is to stop blaming yourself and think of your breakup as a result of different needs or perhaps just some incompatibilities and not anyone’s fault. Practice forgiveness if you’ve been hurt and self-forgiveness if you feel like you’ve hurt the other person. Remember that relationships are complex; sometimes they work, and sometimes they don’t. 

3. Set No Contact Rule

This has to be one of the important things, especially for your physical and mental health. When things are over between you two, you don’t need to know where they are or with whom. Any contact with them, either direct or indirect, will bring back old memories and hopes. These things can hold you back when you are thinking of moving forward. 

So be strict with yourself and set a no-contact rule with your ex. If you have any of their belongings, remove or store them away from your living space. Also, don’t call, text, or email them, and remove yourself from their social media or chat groups. It might be a harsh thing to do, but you are just prioritizing your journey now, and doing this is part of it.

4. Be Yourself 

We usually forget what it feels like to be on our own again, especially after being the second half of the couple for a while. So, here, the next thing on the list of how to cope with a breakup is to be yourself. 

Try to think about yourself and yourself only to regain that amazing sense of independence you lost while being someone’s significant other. This can be done in many ways. For example, treat yourself to your comfort food, re-evaluate your health goals, or set new personal objectives. 

Even if you want to buy something, then buy yourself a nice outfit that you have been eyeing for so long and give yourself a post-breakup glow-up. 

5. Write a Letter to Your Ex

Writing is always the best therapy in times when you don’t feel like sharing thoughts with anyone. So grab a journal and start writing your emotions, goals, or anything else in your mind.

Another powerful exercise is to write letters to your ex. This is really nice for people who are searching for methods on how to deal with a long-term breakup and looking for closure. 

Of course, you don’t have to send these written letters to your ex. They are just used to convey those unsaid thoughts you might have. It can help you feel more at ease and facilitate your journey to moving on. This exercise is also used in the book Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas, a relationship therapist in New York. 

So, use this writing and journaling power to heal from a breakup. If you are interested in learning more, read my other article about the Benefits of Journaling for extra guidance and inspiration. 

6. Reach Out to Family and Friends

If you are still searching for an answer to how to deal with a friend breakup, the solution is quite simple: lean on your family and other friends. They are here for a reason, not because you need them but because they are naturally the ones you will turn to when you need to talk. Studies also indicate that social interactions with friends and family can reduce feelings of loneliness and depression.

Don’t hesitate or be afraid to talk to them or take help from them. Sharing your emotions with a trusted friend or a family member can also help you get a new perspective. 

So, try to spend the weekend with your parents, grandparents, friends, or siblings and share your thoughts with them. Their support might be the only thing you need at this time. 

7. Distract Yourself With Something Positive 

The next thing on the list of how to overcome a breakup is to distract yourself from the negative thoughts. According to one study, distraction was a good way to deal with feelings of loss after a breakup, especially when you want to feel good. 

One particularly special approach here is to do something nice for others. The human psyche shows that helping others has a positive effect on mental health. So consider volunteering by helping a friend in need or simply performing small acts of kindness in your daily life.

8. Move On

You might have hated this line earlier, too, but the most important thing you can do is to distance yourself from that person. Even if it takes being on a vacation to Hawaii, so be it. Take this chance as your breakup motivation and travel to feel free from any boundaries.

How to Break Up with Someone Nicely

There are times when you have to be the heartbreaker. Here, what you can do best is take things with kindness and respect. 

• Choose the Right Time and Place: Avoid public places where emotions can escalate or you might feel uncomfortable. Prefer a private setting to have this conversation. 

• Stay Honest and Humble: Clearly tell how you feel and why you want to end the relationship without being too harsh. 

• Don’t Blame: Tell the news from your point of view without blaming the other person. For example, use “I” statements to tell how you feel.

• Be Prepared for Emotions and Listen: The other person may feel sad, angry, or confused. Allow your partner to talk about how they feel. Listen to them and what they have to share, but be strong in your choice.

• Give them space: After a breakup, let yourself and the other person process the situation. Keeping a distance afterward is often the best approach for healing. 

Summing It Up

Breakups hurt a lot, whether with a romantic partner, best friend, life partner, or any other kind of relationship. But they are not the end of the world. In fact, they can be the start of something better. 

As Marilyn Monroe once said,  “Sometimes, good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.” 

Time is a healer, so be patient with yourself. Engage in distractions and consider the tips we’ve shared above. While the healing process may feel slow, it will improve with time. The best part is that the breakup tips we have discussed above are the same for men and also address the question of how to deal with a breakup for men in any situation.

So, what do you think of these tips? Share your thoughts or any other ideas you have on how to deal with breakups. We would love to know what our readers think. 

FAQs

How do you cope with a breakup?

You can cope with a breakup in many ways by accepting the situation, seeking support from friends and family, staying within yourself, and setting boundaries to help with emotional healing.

What are the 5 stages of a breakup?

There are five stages of getting over a breakup: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages show how you’ll feel as you deal with the end of the relationship.

Why do breakups hurt so bad? 

Breakups hurt deeply because they involve the loss of emotional attachment. The brain goes through withdrawal, which is similar to addiction and causes emotions like sadness, anxiety, and loneliness.

How to handle a breakup when you love them?

To handle a breakup when you still love someone requires accepting reality and emotions, putting yourself first, and reaching out to friends for support. Use the breakup as an opportunity to develop as an individual.

References 

1. Field, T., 1, Touch Research Institute, & Fielding Graduate University. (2011). Romantic breakups, heartbreak and bereavement. In Psychology (Vols. 2–2, Issue 4, pp. 382–387). https://doi.org/10.4236/psych.2011.2406
2. GračAnin, A., Bylsma, L. M., & Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M. (2014). Is crying a self-soothing behavior? Frontiers in Psychology, 5. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00502
3. Kuczynski, A. M., Halvorson, M. A., Slater, L. R., & Kanter, J. W. (2021). The effect of social interaction quantity and quality on depressed mood and loneliness: A daily diary study. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 39(3), 734–756. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075211045717
4. APA PsycNet. (n.d.). https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-37800-001. 

The post 8 Tips on How to Deal With a Breakup and Heal Emotionally first appeared on The Lifestyle Book.

We all have this habit of complaining about little things in life. Even research says that an average person complains about 15-30 times a day in their everyday conversations. These complaints can be about anything, like the weather being too hot or too cold, the food not tasting a certain way, or the money we earn is too little. While these things seem to be very small, the effects of complaining can be very massive on us. So how is complaining bad, and does it affect us? 

This article will focus on all the effects of complaining and how we can change our perspective for the better.

Why Do People Complain? 

First of all, we need to understand why we all complain. There can be hundreds of reasons for this. But we will be focusing on some shared by Will Bowen in his book Complaint Free World, such as

• To Get Attention: As simple as it sounds, many people like to be the centre of attention, and they use the act of complaining as their tool. But this looks very useless and has no purpose at all. 
• To Remove Responsibility: Sometimes, people complain to avoid responsibility for a difficult task.  For example, someone might complain about not having enough money to cover their expenses instead of taking responsibility for managing the budget and their spending habits.
• To Validate: People also complain because they also crave validation. When they talk, they want to foster a feeling of connection and use complaints to relate with each other. 
• To Regulate Their Emotions: Complaining usually gives short-term relief, and many people vent out complaining as they say it makes them feel better. 
• As an Excuse: Some people also use complaints as an excuse to cover up their failure. For example, an employee who fails to work on deadlines complains of a heavy workload.

Negative Effects of Complaining

While we might not think and take complaining as a sign of venting out, research says that it comes with a cost. 

Negative Effects of Complaining on Mental Health

From a mental perspective, the effects of complaining can be so harsh on the brain that it wires it for negativity. 

The brain is designed to work efficiently, meaning that when we repeat a thought, whether it is negative or positive, the nerve cells form a bridge between each other to expedite the passage of information. As a result, the next time we have a similar thought, it is more easily transmitted. Such a kind of mechanism is called neuronal wiring and can become habitual and engrained over time. So if we keep in complainant brain, it learns only that And if we consistently complain, the brain learns to default to negativity, reinforcing a mindset that focuses on problems rather than solutions.

A Stanford study shows that consistent effects of complaining can cause changes in the brain too. It shrinks the hippocampus in particular, which is an important part of the brain. Along with the negative brain changes, complaining also causes the release of the stress hormone cortisol.

All of these things can have long-lasting effects on your mental health, your thinking ability, and your general health.

Effects of Complaining on Energy and Aura

Just like the mental and physical aspects, the effects of complaining are very much visible on energy and aura. When you complain or say something negative, it not only drains your own energy but can also make the air around you feel heavy. This negativity can bring in more negativity, creating a loop that makes everything feel worse all around. 

Similarly, if you constantly complain or whine, others may feel uneasy or drained in your presence. This also weakens social ties and support networks. Such an idea was also shared by David Ghyiam, a spiritual leader, in one of his reels.

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A post shared by David Ghiyam (@davidghiyam)

Signs You Complain Too Much

It is very normal to vent sometimes in daily conversations. But there are some signs that show that you complain too much, for example, 

• You might bring the same grievances, negative talks, and complaints whenever you talk to people. 
• Your conversations are always focused on finding problems rather than solutions. 
• You have noticed that complaining makes you more angry or upset.
• Your friends and family seem less interested in you or try to avoid talking to you. 
• You always find something negative, even in the most positive situations. 

If these signs sound like you, don’t worry. There are many people like you who have this habit and might not even know it. The first thing that needs to be done to make good changes is to recognize these patterns.

How To Stop Complaining

By now, we know that the effects of complaining are not only on your mental health but also on your physical health and surroundings. Such kind of negativity can weigh heavily on our lives. So, how can we change our perspective to achieve inner calm?

Here are some useful tips that will help you have a positive outlook whenever you feel like complaining. 

1. Be More Grateful 

The best way to deal with constant complaining is to be grateful for everything. Just like complaining acts like a poison, gratitude acts like an antidote. When you practice being grateful for the things you have rather than ranting or complaining, it has been shown to improve happiness, well-being, and life satisfaction while lowering depressive symptoms.

It is also great for reducing physical symptoms. For example, a 2023 research study has shown that gratitude can reduce cortisol levels by 23%, as well as blood pressure and cholesterol. 

A simple, happy exercise is suggested by psychologists as a way to practice gratitude and stop complaining. In it, all you have to do is write three things that made you happy. Now, take your time and think about each one of them. Read your list again the next day and be grateful for those times. This practice can help you stop complaining and start focusing on the good things in your life. 

2. Sandwich Your Complaint 

This is a very interesting way to stop complaining, called the sandwich method. This technique involves starting with a positive statement, sharing your complaint, and then wrapping it up with another positive note. 

For example, if you feel like complaining about the weather, try saying, “I love the sunny days we’ve been having; they’re great for making plans outside!” However, the unexpected downpour surprised me. I hope to see clearer skies again soon! 

In this way, you can say how you feel while keeping a positive and reasonable tone.

3. Try Phrasing Things Differently 

Just like sandwiching the complaint, you can also try another thing to minimize the negative effects of complaining. Just say them differently. You can try it using your complaining thoughts or words in more constructive sentences. 

For example, if you want to complain about the taste of a dish, avoid saying, “I didn’t like the pasta because the taste was too bland.” You could say, “The pasta tasted different than I expected. Maybe we can try more flavors.” 

So focus on your words and be more positive in your words and sayings, and you will see things getting better for you. 

4. Ask Your Friends

There can be some cases where we might not even be aware that we are still complaining. At times like these, having the support of family and friends can be very helpful. By asking them to point out to you politely, you can learn to recognize and avoid complaining patterns. 

Also remember not to take anything negative said by them, and use that constructive criticism to help you improve and think more clearly. 

5. Turn Your Complaints into Solutions

Lastly, if the things you complain about are in your hands, why not try taking action and improving things?

For example, if you always feel bored and usually complain about it, then pick up a hobby or anything that makes you happy and start working on it. Or if you always complain that you look fat, try finding solutions for it, like shifting to a healthy diet, doing exercises, etc.

Redirecting that negative energy into something constructive can not only improve your mood but also give you a sense of success. This, in return, can improve your mental, physical, and social well-being and also break you free from the cycle of complaining. This will also help limit the time spent complaining. 

Summing It Up

In the end, don’t be a person who complains about everything and thinks negatively. It’s okay to complain once in a while, especially about valid issues, but don’t make it a habit. The best thing you can do to stop complaining and channel better energy and health is to bring change for good. Remember Maya Angelou’s words here: “What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.”

So, what we suggest is to follow the techniques we have given above. They will surely help you with the negative habit of complaining. And if you cannot do anything about it, it is better to focus your energy on positive things rather than worrying about issues you can’t change.

Have you tried these strategies, or do you have your own tips that helped you get over the complaining? We would love to hear from you! Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment boxes below to help others become more optimistic!

And if you enjoyed reading this article, why don’t you check out our guide on the Best Wellness Gifts for Everyone? It’s full of thoughtful ideas and perfect gift options!

FAQs

What are the consequences of complaining?

Complaining all the time can bring negative effects on your mental and physical health. Even it can channel negative energy around you, straining social connections and making it harder to build supportive relationships.

How much complaining is too much?

The extent of complaining varies from person to person. However, if you complain about the same things over and over again without trying to find solutions, or if your complaints dominate your conversation, leaving others with a negative impact, then it might be too much. 

What happens to you when you complain?

Constant complaining can bring negative changes to your personality, mental health, and social connections. The long-term effects of complaining can manifest themselves in one’s physical health, too. 

How does complaining affect your attitude?

Complaining every time can reinforce negativity and shift your focus from solutions to problems. This often leads to feelings of helplessness and drags down your mood. Plus, it can push people away, which can put a strain on your support systems and relationships. 

References 

1. Kowalski, R. M. (2002). Whining, griping, and complaining: Positivity in the negativity. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 58(9), 1023–1035. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.10095
2. Kim, E. J., Pellman, B., & Kim, J. J. (2015). Stress effects on the hippocampus: a critical review. Learning & Memory, 22(9), 411–416. https://doi.org/10.1101/lm.037291.114
3. Cunha, L. F., Pellanda, L. C., & Reppold, C. T. (2019). Positive Psychology and Gratitude Interventions: A Randomized Clinical Trial. Frontiers in Psychology, 10. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584
4. Wang, X., & Song, C. (2023). The impact of gratitude interventions on patients with cardiovascular disease: a systematic review. Frontiers in Psychology, 14. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1243598

The post The Effects of Complaining Are Far More Than You Might Think, According to Spiritual Teachers & Psychologists first appeared on The Lifestyle Book.

Did you grow up feeling like an invisible person? Were your needs as a child never met? Or was your home filled with chaos and emotional distance between you and your parents? You might be surprised to know that events from your early life can continue to shadow your life later as an adult. Even research suggests that there is a connection between childhood trauma and relationships. 

What that means for example is if you have had any abandonment issues in childhood, you might be drawn to unhealthy relationships as an adult or maybe can’t open up to someone. 

This article will discuss how these childhood traumas affect adult relationships. We will also talk about how to handle these issues and what it looks like to work through them so that relationships can be safer and more rewarding. 

So let’s get started!

What is Childhood Trauma? 

As the name suggests, childhood traumas are the “bad” happenings or events we experience or witness as children. It can be anything from being bullied in class, feeling neglected by parents, or feeling abandoned by loved ones. Not only this but sometimes traumatic experiences such as witnessing a natural disaster or violence can also cause an impact. 

Such traumatic events can inflict lifelong harm on our inner child and, in return, can have a significant impact on who we are and how we act as adults. 

The Link Between Childhood Trauma and Relationships in Adult Life

We already know by now that if you have suffered from trauma during the early years of your life, then the odds are that you might look at and experience adult relationships in a certain way. In fact, the impact is much more profound even years later. 

Research has shown that average childhood experiences are much more common and acknowledged and can have a massive effect on mental health even after 50 years! It means that a child’s emotional pain isn’t temporary. It can have its imprint on their brains and hearts and carry the burden throughout life until addressed. 

How Childhood Trauma in Early Relationships Affects Adult Connections

There are myriad ways that childhood trauma could impact the way you experience your adult relationships. 

Fear of Abandonment 

Those of you who have had a traumatic childhood of a parent leaving or neglecting your needs may have a fear of abandonment in adulthood. This can sometimes trigger internal negative feelings and emotions about yourself or others. You may feel deeply afraid to be abandoned by a loved one. This can also manifest as asking for approval and praise or being too clingy to your partner and constantly wanting validation, love, and attention.

Trust Issues 

Trusting others is a very common issue that people face when they reach adulthood. When a child feels wronged or neglected by any of the caregivers or parents, they learn that the people they trust the most can also hurt them. 

Such a feeling of mistrust lingers to adulthood and makes a person suspicious of everything. In such cases, you may prevent people from being a part of your life and have difficulty forming meaningful relationships. You may also find it challenging to believe your partner when they say they love you, care for you, respect your boundaries and conditions, etc. 

Attachment Styles

In early childhood, a secure attachment develops within loving and stable relationships in which your emotional and practical needs are met, offering a kind of oasis in times of distress.

However, when your early childhood experiences are marked by abandonment and neglect, your ability to form such secure attachments is disrupted. This results in attachment injuries and, mostly, avoidant or anxious attachment styles. Even research proves the fact that students who had bad experiences such as trauma, neglect, and abuse as children had preoccupied or dismissive attachment styles as adults.

Communicational Difficulties

Communication is the key to any relationship, but if you had a traumatic childhood, then it can also affect how you communicate. 

You may have also noticed that you sometimes cannot express how you feel or avoid talking at all. Or you may lash out at people close to you when you feel attacked because this is how you learned to survive in childhood. Such behaviors can lead to misunderstandings and arguments in platonic and romantic relationships or even in work environments. 

Avoidance of Sexual Intimacy

Traumatic experiences in childhood can also affect adult relationships, especially when it comes to intimacy or sexual closeness. If a child goes through a negative experience that makes them realize they cannot trust their caretaker, they might think the world is scary and people are dangerous and therefore not want to get close and intimate with others. 

As they become adults, they have trouble making healthy sexual connections with their partners. They feel they are not worthy of being loved or feel anxious and disconnected during intimacy.

Difficulty in Parenting Your Children

While not so much addressed, your traumatic childhood can also affect how you parent your future children. It is because healthy parenting involves managing your emotions, and those who haven’t processed their issues may find it challenging.

For example, if your child needs to ask you something and you feel stressed about their constant questioning, you respond to him angrily. Then, your child can take it as a sign of rejection and end up feeling abandoned, just as you did when you were younger.

All of these can also be considered as symptoms of childhood trauma in adulthood and need to be addressed.

Healing and Moving Forward—Overcoming Your Childhood Trauma

If you don’t address your childhood traumas, your romantic relationships suffer from the consequences. So, start your recovery by learning to heal your wounded inner child. 

Here are some of the best methods to address your childhood trauma and relationships for a better adult life. 

1. Identify What Triggers You

If you want to be healed from your childhood trauma for a better relationship, then you need to find what your triggers are. Try to ask yourself: Do you feel abandoned by your partner or by a family member? A significant step is becoming aware of these triggers. 

Also, you must express them to your loved ones when you identify them. You may try sharing one by one and see how it feels. Remember, nobody can read your mind, so tell them that these things usually make you feel neglected or abandoned. In this way, you and them can work together to figure out the best solution. 

2. Look For Couples Therapy 

Now that your partner understands your feelings and emotions, looking for couples therapy can be a valuable step. Couples therapy is a safe space for you and your partner to express your thoughts and feelings. It also allows you to explore the impact of childhood trauma on your relationship dynamics.  

This method of healing from childhood trauma and relationships has been found super helpful in healing wounds and pain from the past. Therapists are your great resource in this case. They can guide you and your partner through processing the wounded past and moving on with more positive coping skills for better relationships. 

There is no shame in seeking professional support to help you heal from your past traumas and therefore get closer to your partner.

3. Try Butterfly Hugging

Sometimes, you don’t feel like sharing your emotions, and that’s okay. But the body and brain still remember the trauma, so one thing you can do here is to hug yourself. 

This is a technique developed by psychologists as a part of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprogramming (EMDR) therapy. The butterfly hug method provides a comforting touch and warm feeling we get from hugging another person. It also helps to calm down anxiety and gives you a sense of security. To perform it, 

• Sit comfortably and cross your arms, wrapping your hands around your shoulders. 
• Gently squeeze and take deep breaths to relax yourself. 
• Now close your eyes and imagine comforting your inner child, offering the love and care you once missed. 

4. Heal the Child Inside You 

Another thing you can try is to heal the inner wounded child that has had all the traumas you are facing the consequences of. 

Start by thinking about the event you’re trying to get over. Then imagine that a younger version of yourself is meeting the adult version of yourself right now. Now, try to calm the wounded inner child by offering the love and care it needs. Or be the elder you wish you had when you were a kid. Keep practicing it. 

And if you are on this journey of healing your inner child, be sure to check out my article on Healing Inner Child Wounds. It is packed with prompts, powerful affirmations, and book recommendations to help you build healthier and deeper relationships. 

5. Don’t Forget to Love Yourself 

While you crave love and attachment from others, it is also important to remember that you are worthy of being loved. You are also capable of loving yourself and having healthy relationships. Even if you have been neglected or not given importance in childhood, it doesn’t mean you will also have a bad relationship as an adult. So, just abandon the labels that you may hold for yourself or think that you cannot be fixed after your past experiences.  

It is also important to heal the aspects of you that are wounded so as not to attract relationships that mirror your wounding. This tends to happen as a way to mirror to us what needs healing and then prompt us to heal.

6. Seeking Support 

We cannot emphasize how much it is important to seek help in such situations. When you feel alone and left out, always seek help from your partner, family, friends, support groups, or psychologists. It is like having a group of people rooting for you and telling you that you got this. So, make an effort to save your relationships and seek help from them as a part of healing. 

While following all of this, it is essential to remember that your past doesn’t define who you are. Yes, they were part of your life, but so are your present and future. If you want to heal your past, you have to acknowledge it and take baby steps for healing. 

Summing it Up 

In the end, healing from childhood trauma is important in order to build healthy relationships as an adult. 

The first step is understanding what triggers you and effectively communicating it to your loved ones. Going to couples therapy can be very helpful, and butterfly hugging is one way to get in touch with your inner child. 

All these methods are beneficial, even if you are dating someone with childhood trauma. Share this article with them, and don’t forget to let us know your thoughts! 

FAQs

How does childhood trauma affect relationships? (Romantic and Platonic)

Childhood trauma can lead to trust issues, difficulty in relationships, and unhealthy attachment styles in both platonic and romantic relationships. It can also lead to fear of abandonment or a replay of the past trauma.  

Can you heal from childhood trauma while in a relationship?

Yes, it is very much possible to heal from childhood trauma with a positive relationship. Understanding and open communication between partners and mutual support is the key. 

How does unresolved childhood trauma affect relationships?

Unresolved childhood trauma can have adverse effects on adult relationships, like feeling abandoned, irregular behavior, and pushing loved ones away. Recognizing these effects is the first step toward healing and building healthier connections.

Can two people with childhood trauma be in a relationship?

Yes, two people who suffered from childhood trauma can be in a relationship. It is essential for both to recognize each other’s experiences and be willing to heal. Also, open communication and empathy can help them grow and create a healthy relationship. 

References 

1. Huh, Hyu Jung, et al. “Childhood trauma and adult interpersonal relationship problems in patients with depression and anxiety disorders.” Annals of General Psychiatry, vol. 13, no. 1, Sept. 2014, https://doi.org/10.1186/s12991-014-0026-y.
2. Dalvie, Shareefa, and Nikolaos P. Daskalakis. “The Biological Effects of Trauma.” Complex Psychiatry, vol. 7, no. 1–2, Jan. 2021, pp. 16–18. https://doi.org/10.1159/000517236.
3. APA PsycNet. psycnet.apa.org/record/2005-05449-005.
4. Marici, Marius, et al. “Is Rejection, Parental Abandonment or Neglect a Trigger for Higher Perceived Shame and Guilt in Adolescents?” Healthcare, vol. 11, no. 12, June 2023, p. 1724. https://doi.org/10.3390/healthcare11121724.
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In any relationship, feeling unheard may be really difficult and aggravating. When you communicate and it seems like no one is really listening—with a friend, family member, colleague, or partner—you may experience loneliness, resentment, and alienation. This post will look at the reasons behind this, how you might change your viewpoint, and what doable actions you could take to get over difficult emotions.

The Impact of Feeling Unheard

In a relationship, feeling unheard could make you feel as though your ideas, emotions, and needs are being dismissed. This frequently sets off a spiral of negative emotions. One typical reaction is frustration, since continuously trying to communicate without success can make one feel as though they are running into a wall. Isolation often follows, as it can be quite lonely to feel as though no one values or understands your viewpoint. If you are frequently being disregarded or dismissed, this might cause bitterness toward the other person and cause you to question your own legitimacy and worth over time.

Knowing the Other Person’s Viewpoint

It can be beneficial to go through why the other person might not be hearing you before addressing your own emotions. There are a couple possible causes for this.

The person could find it difficult to completely participate in the conversation since they are consumed with their own problems and tensions. Everybody speaks in different ways. While some would communicate more openly or indirectly, others could require more time to assimilate information.

Unresolved emotions or past events could build obstacles to clear communication. The person could be struggling with personal problems that keep them from being totally present. People sometimes simply don’t know they are not listening. They might not understand how their behavior is affecting you.

Changing Your Perspective

Knowing that the other person’s actions might not be deliberate helps you to handle the matter with more empathy and less annoyance. Understanding what might be going on in the other person’s life and impacting their ability to listen will help you to develop empathy. This helps you tackle the matter compassionately rather than absolves their behavior. Think about whether your communication styles might differ. Sometimes changing your expression might have a significant effect. Check that your message is succinct and unambiguous. Directly expressing your demands might sometimes help the other person see the relevance of what you are saying.

Practical Steps to Overcome Feeling Unheard

Calmly expressing your emotions when you’re not getting heard can make a tremendous difference. Avoid sounding accusing by using “I” statements—that is, “I feel frustrated when I don’t feel listened to.” If the person is frequently distracted, advise them to schedule a particular time to have complete presence.

By using active listening yourself, model the behavior you wish to recieve. Demonstrate your willingness to listen and respect their viewpoint. Should someone consistently discount your emotions, it may be advisable to establish limits and distance yourself from the connection in order to preserve your own mental health. Additionally beneficial is talking about your emotions with a therapist, friend, or relative. Sometimes outside viewpoints offer insightful analysis and encouragement.

Inward Reflection

A great instrument for self-awareness and development is inward reflection. Feeling unheard by someone else might be a chance to go inward and question, “If this person is a reflection of me, how am I not hearing myself?” This inquiry helps you to investigate areas in which you might be ignoring your own needs, wants, or feelings. Recognizing and resolving these inner conflicts will help you start to really listen to yourself, respect your emotions, and grow in self-awareness. This change not only improves your relationship with yourself but also helps to shape how others respond to you, therefore strengthening bonds.

Final Thoughts

A common but difficult experience in partnerships is feeling unheard. Understanding the possible causes of the other person’s behavior and acting pro-actively to improve communication will help you negotiate these emotions and strengthen close relationships. Recall that your emotions are legitimate; so, it’s crucial to speak for yourself while also trying to relate to and understand others.

The post Feeling Unheard in Relationships: Understanding and Overcoming the Frustration first appeared on The Lifestyle Book.