We all have this habit of complaining about little things in life. Even research says that an average person complains about 15-30 times a day in their everyday conversations. These complaints can be about anything, like the weather being too hot or too cold, the food not tasting a certain way, or the money we earn is too little. While these things seem to be very small, the effects of complaining can be very massive on us. So how is complaining bad, and does it affect us?
This article will focus on all the effects of complaining and how we can change our perspective for the better.
Why Do People Complain?
First of all, we need to understand why we all complain. There can be hundreds of reasons for this. But we will be focusing on some shared by Will Bowen in his book Complaint Free World, such as
- To Get Attention: As simple as it sounds, many people like to be the centre of attention, and they use the act of complaining as their tool. But this looks very useless and has no purpose at all.
- To Remove Responsibility: Sometimes, people complain to avoid responsibility for a difficult task. For example, someone might complain about not having enough money to cover their expenses instead of taking responsibility for managing the budget and their spending habits.
- To Validate: People also complain because they also crave validation. When they talk, they want to foster a feeling of connection and use complaints to relate with each other.
- To Regulate Their Emotions: Complaining usually gives short-term relief, and many people vent out complaining as they say it makes them feel better.
- As an Excuse: Some people also use complaints as an excuse to cover up their failure. For example, an employee who fails to work on deadlines complains of a heavy workload.
Negative Effects of Complaining
While we might not think and take complaining as a sign of venting out, research says that it comes with a cost.
Negative Effects of Complaining on Mental Health
From a mental perspective, the effects of complaining can be so harsh on the brain that it wires it for negativity.
The brain is designed to work efficiently, meaning that when we repeat a thought, whether it is negative or positive, the nerve cells form a bridge between each other to expedite the passage of information. As a result, the next time we have a similar thought, it is more easily transmitted. Such a kind of mechanism is called neuronal wiring and can become habitual and engrained over time. So if we keep in complainant brain, it learns only that And if we consistently complain, the brain learns to default to negativity, reinforcing a mindset that focuses on problems rather than solutions.
A Stanford study shows that consistent effects of complaining can cause changes in the brain too. It shrinks the hippocampus in particular, which is an important part of the brain. Along with the negative brain changes, complaining also causes the release of the stress hormone cortisol.
All of these things can have long-lasting effects on your mental health, your thinking ability, and your general health.
Effects of Complaining on Energy and Aura
Just like the mental and physical aspects, the effects of complaining are very much visible on energy and aura. When you complain or say something negative, it not only drains your own energy but can also make the air around you feel heavy. This negativity can bring in more negativity, creating a loop that makes everything feel worse all around.
Similarly, if you constantly complain or whine, others may feel uneasy or drained in your presence. This also weakens social ties and support networks. Such an idea was also shared by David Ghyiam, a spiritual leader, in one of his reels.
Signs You Complain Too Much
It is very normal to vent sometimes in daily conversations. But there are some signs that show that you complain too much, for example,
- You might bring the same grievances, negative talks, and complaints whenever you talk to people.
- Your conversations are always focused on finding problems rather than solutions.
- You have noticed that complaining makes you more angry or upset.
- Your friends and family seem less interested in you or try to avoid talking to you.
- You always find something negative, even in the most positive situations.
If these signs sound like you, don’t worry. There are many people like you who have this habit and might not even know it. The first thing that needs to be done to make good changes is to recognize these patterns.
How To Stop Complaining
By now, we know that the effects of complaining are not only on your mental health but also on your physical health and surroundings. Such kind of negativity can weigh heavily on our lives. So, how can we change our perspective to achieve inner calm?
Here are some useful tips that will help you have a positive outlook whenever you feel like complaining.
1. Be More Grateful
The best way to deal with constant complaining is to be grateful for everything. Just like complaining acts like a poison, gratitude acts like an antidote. When you practice being grateful for the things you have rather than ranting or complaining, it has been shown to improve happiness, well-being, and life satisfaction while lowering depressive symptoms.
It is also great for reducing physical symptoms. For example, a 2023 research study has shown that gratitude can reduce cortisol levels by 23%, as well as blood pressure and cholesterol.
A simple, happy exercise is suggested by psychologists as a way to practice gratitude and stop complaining. In it, all you have to do is write three things that made you happy. Now, take your time and think about each one of them. Read your list again the next day and be grateful for those times. This practice can help you stop complaining and start focusing on the good things in your life.
2. Sandwich Your Complaint
This is a very interesting way to stop complaining, called the sandwich method. This technique involves starting with a positive statement, sharing your complaint, and then wrapping it up with another positive note.
For example, if you feel like complaining about the weather, try saying, “I love the sunny days we’ve been having; they’re great for making plans outside!” However, the unexpected downpour surprised me. I hope to see clearer skies again soon!
In this way, you can say how you feel while keeping a positive and reasonable tone.
3. Try Phrasing Things Differently
Just like sandwiching the complaint, you can also try another thing to minimize the negative effects of complaining. Just say them differently. You can try it using your complaining thoughts or words in more constructive sentences.
For example, if you want to complain about the taste of a dish, avoid saying, “I didn’t like the pasta because the taste was too bland.” You could say, “The pasta tasted different than I expected. Maybe we can try more flavors.”
So focus on your words and be more positive in your words and sayings, and you will see things getting better for you.
4. Ask Your Friends
There can be some cases where we might not even be aware that we are still complaining. At times like these, having the support of family and friends can be very helpful. By asking them to point out to you politely, you can learn to recognize and avoid complaining patterns.
Also remember not to take anything negative said by them, and use that constructive criticism to help you improve and think more clearly.
5. Turn Your Complaints into Solutions
Lastly, if the things you complain about are in your hands, why not try taking action and improving things?
For example, if you always feel bored and usually complain about it, then pick up a hobby or anything that makes you happy and start working on it. Or if you always complain that you look fat, try finding solutions for it, like shifting to a healthy diet, doing exercises, etc.
Redirecting that negative energy into something constructive can not only improve your mood but also give you a sense of success. This, in return, can improve your mental, physical, and social well-being and also break you free from the cycle of complaining. This will also help limit the time spent complaining.
Summing It Up
In the end, don’t be a person who complains about everything and thinks negatively. It’s okay to complain once in a while, especially about valid issues, but don’t make it a habit. The best thing you can do to stop complaining and channel better energy and health is to bring change for good. Remember Maya Angelou’s words here: “What you’re supposed to do when you don’t like a thing is change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Don’t complain.”
So, what we suggest is to follow the techniques we have given above. They will surely help you with the negative habit of complaining. And if you cannot do anything about it, it is better to focus your energy on positive things rather than worrying about issues you can’t change.
Have you tried these strategies, or do you have your own tips that helped you get over the complaining? We would love to hear from you! Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comment boxes below to help others become more optimistic!
And if you enjoyed reading this article, why don’t you check out our guide on the Best Wellness Gifts for Everyone? It’s full of thoughtful ideas and perfect gift options!
FAQs
What are the consequences of complaining?
Complaining all the time can bring negative effects on your mental and physical health. Even it can channel negative energy around you, straining social connections and making it harder to build supportive relationships.
How much complaining is too much?
The extent of complaining varies from person to person. However, if you complain about the same things over and over again without trying to find solutions, or if your complaints dominate your conversation, leaving others with a negative impact, then it might be too much.
What happens to you when you complain?
Constant complaining can bring negative changes to your personality, mental health, and social connections. The long-term effects of complaining can manifest themselves in one’s physical health, too.
How does complaining affect your attitude?
Complaining every time can reinforce negativity and shift your focus from solutions to problems. This often leads to feelings of helplessness and drags down your mood. Plus, it can push people away, which can put a strain on your support systems and relationships.
References
- Kowalski, R. M. (2002). Whining, griping, and complaining: Positivity in the negativity. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 58(9), 1023–1035. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.10095
- Kim, E. J., Pellman, B., & Kim, J. J. (2015). Stress effects on the hippocampus: a critical review. Learning & Memory, 22(9), 411–416. https://doi.org/10.1101/lm.037291.114
- Cunha, L. F., Pellanda, L. C., & Reppold, C. T. (2019). Positive Psychology and Gratitude Interventions: A Randomized Clinical Trial. Frontiers in Psychology, 10. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00584
- Wang, X., & Song, C. (2023). The impact of gratitude interventions on patients with cardiovascular disease: a systematic review. Frontiers in Psychology, 14. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1243598
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