“Move on and forget it.”
“You will find someone better.”
“It’s not as tough as you make it look like!”
These might be some of the phrases you have heard from the people around you if you have ever had a breakup or if you are experiencing one. Breaking up, whether it’s a friendship or a relationship, is undoubtedly difficult and can trigger a whirlwind of emotions for anyone involved. It can also make you feel like you will never come out of this heartbreak.
But like there is a solution for anything, this article can help you understand how to deal with a breakup and what you can do to heal a broken heart.
Stages of a Breakup
Before we go deep and talk about how to deal with a breakup, it is important to know how many stages of grief you might be going through. These are the basic stages of grief, as we all know, but here, they are covered from the perspective of a breakup. Learning them this way will help you manage and deal with your feelings better.
- Denial: Denial marks the beginning of the breakup, where you struggle to accept that it’s really over. You might find yourself hoping for reconciliation and spending a different amount of time in this confusing phase.
- Anger: As the denial wears off, you might be asking yourself questions like, “How can he/she do this to me?” Or “I am not the one who did it.” It is basically anger, where you start blaming others or even thinking of taking revenge on them.
- Bargaining: This stage makes you salvage your relationship. You might think about past events and how things could have been different if you were together.
- Depression: After a few weeks, the fourth stage of depression sets in where you can start to wonder, “How will I survive without them?”. You feel sad and hopeless like you’ve lost everything.
- Acceptance: In the end, you will feel a change in your thoughts and accept that the relationship is over. You might find out why things ended and for what reason. The intense sadness will fade away, and you will feel lighter and ready to move on.
Why Do You Need to Heal From Breakup?
There is no doubt that breakups can hurt your emotions, but their mental effects can be harsh as well. Studies have shown that breakups may cause feelings that are quite similar to withdrawal from an addiction. This can cause mental health issues like intrusive thoughts, insomnia, and even decreased immune function.
Some people might think these effects aren’t very important, but the truth is that they can have a major impact on your mental and physical health. That is why the sooner you know how to deal with a breakup, the better it is.
8 Best Tips on How to Deal With a Breakup
Now that you have understood the stages and the importance of moving on, the next step is to learn some tips on how to get through a breakup. These tips also apply to answering your question about how to deal with friendship breakups, except a few.
1. Don’t Fight With Your Feelings
You know that you are hurt, and the only way to deal with that pain of a breakup is to truly experience it. So don’t rush on the emotions; let yourself feel them one at a time. There might be good moments and some bad ones too. So, if you feel like crying, then cry. While crying might have a bad reputation, it is extremely helpful. One study also supports this claim that crying can release oxytocin and endorphins, which help to ease emotional as well as physical pain.
So take your time, be gentle with your feelings, and let them out in the way you want to.
2. Don’t Personalise the Loss
If you suffered a breakup from a romantic relationship, it is totally normal to feel like you are the one to be blamed. A lot of pain can also come from believing that it’s all your fault and regretting the choices you made when you were together. But this cycle of guilt has to come to an end at some point, so why not make it now?
The best you can do here is to stop blaming yourself and think of your breakup as a result of different needs or perhaps just some incompatibilities and not anyone’s fault. Practice forgiveness if you’ve been hurt and self-forgiveness if you feel like you’ve hurt the other person. Remember that relationships are complex; sometimes they work, and sometimes they don’t.
3. Set No Contact Rule
This has to be one of the important things, especially for your physical and mental health. When things are over between you two, you don’t need to know where they are or with whom. Any contact with them, either direct or indirect, will bring back old memories and hopes. These things can hold you back when you are thinking of moving forward.
So be strict with yourself and set a no-contact rule with your ex. If you have any of their belongings, remove or store them away from your living space. Also, don’t call, text, or email them, and remove yourself from their social media or chat groups. It might be a harsh thing to do, but you are just prioritizing your journey now, and doing this is part of it.
4. Be Yourself
We usually forget what it feels like to be on our own again, especially after being the second half of the couple for a while. So, here, the next thing on the list of how to cope with a breakup is to be yourself.
Try to think about yourself and yourself only to regain that amazing sense of independence you lost while being someone’s significant other. This can be done in many ways. For example, treat yourself to your comfort food, re-evaluate your health goals, or set new personal objectives.
Even if you want to buy something, then buy yourself a nice outfit that you have been eyeing for so long and give yourself a post-breakup glow-up.
5. Write a Letter to Your Ex
Writing is always the best therapy in times when you don’t feel like sharing thoughts with anyone. So grab a journal and start writing your emotions, goals, or anything else in your mind.
Another powerful exercise is to write letters to your ex. This is really nice for people who are searching for methods on how to deal with a long-term breakup and looking for closure.
Of course, you don’t have to send these written letters to your ex. They are just used to convey those unsaid thoughts you might have. It can help you feel more at ease and facilitate your journey to moving on. This exercise is also used in the book Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas, a relationship therapist in New York.
So, use this writing and journaling power to heal from a breakup. If you are interested in learning more, read my other article about the Benefits of Journaling for extra guidance and inspiration.
6. Reach Out to Family and Friends
If you are still searching for an answer to how to deal with a friend breakup, the solution is quite simple: lean on your family and other friends. They are here for a reason, not because you need them but because they are naturally the ones you will turn to when you need to talk. Studies also indicate that social interactions with friends and family can reduce feelings of loneliness and depression.
Don’t hesitate or be afraid to talk to them or take help from them. Sharing your emotions with a trusted friend or a family member can also help you get a new perspective.
So, try to spend the weekend with your parents, grandparents, friends, or siblings and share your thoughts with them. Their support might be the only thing you need at this time.
7. Distract Yourself With Something Positive
The next thing on the list of how to overcome a breakup is to distract yourself from the negative thoughts. According to one study, distraction was a good way to deal with feelings of loss after a breakup, especially when you want to feel good.
One particularly special approach here is to do something nice for others. The human psyche shows that helping others has a positive effect on mental health. So consider volunteering by helping a friend in need or simply performing small acts of kindness in your daily life.
8. Move On
You might have hated this line earlier, too, but the most important thing you can do is to distance yourself from that person. Even if it takes being on a vacation to Hawaii, so be it. Take this chance as your breakup motivation and travel to feel free from any boundaries.
How to Break Up with Someone Nicely
There are times when you have to be the heartbreaker. Here, what you can do best is take things with kindness and respect.
- Choose the Right Time and Place: Avoid public places where emotions can escalate or you might feel uncomfortable. Prefer a private setting to have this conversation.
- Stay Honest and Humble: Clearly tell how you feel and why you want to end the relationship without being too harsh.
- Don’t Blame: Tell the news from your point of view without blaming the other person. For example, use “I” statements to tell how you feel.
- Be Prepared for Emotions and Listen: The other person may feel sad, angry, or confused. Allow your partner to talk about how they feel. Listen to them and what they have to share, but be strong in your choice.
- Give them space: After a breakup, let yourself and the other person process the situation. Keeping a distance afterward is often the best approach for healing.
Summing It Up
Breakups hurt a lot, whether with a romantic partner, best friend, life partner, or any other kind of relationship. But they are not the end of the world. In fact, they can be the start of something better.
As Marilyn Monroe once said, “Sometimes, good things fall apart, so better things can fall together.”
Time is a healer, so be patient with yourself. Engage in distractions and consider the tips we’ve shared above. While the healing process may feel slow, it will improve with time. The best part is that the breakup tips we have discussed above are the same for men and also address the question of how to deal with a breakup for men in any situation.
So, what do you think of these tips? Share your thoughts or any other ideas you have on how to deal with breakups. We would love to know what our readers think.
FAQs
How do you cope with a breakup?
You can cope with a breakup in many ways by accepting the situation, seeking support from friends and family, staying within yourself, and setting boundaries to help with emotional healing.
What are the 5 stages of a breakup?
There are five stages of getting over a breakup: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages show how you’ll feel as you deal with the end of the relationship.
Why do breakups hurt so bad?
Breakups hurt deeply because they involve the loss of emotional attachment. The brain goes through withdrawal, which is similar to addiction and causes emotions like sadness, anxiety, and loneliness.
How to handle a breakup when you love them?
To handle a breakup when you still love someone requires accepting reality and emotions, putting yourself first, and reaching out to friends for support. Use the breakup as an opportunity to develop as an individual.
References
- Field, T., 1, Touch Research Institute, & Fielding Graduate University. (2011). Romantic breakups, heartbreak and bereavement. In Psychology (Vols. 2–2, Issue 4, pp. 382–387). https://doi.org/10.4236/psych.2011.2406
- GraÄAnin, A., Bylsma, L. M., & Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M. (2014). Is crying a self-soothing behavior? Frontiers in Psychology, 5. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00502
- Kuczynski, A. M., Halvorson, M. A., Slater, L. R., & Kanter, J. W. (2021). The effect of social interaction quantity and quality on depressed mood and loneliness: A daily diary study. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 39(3), 734–756. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075211045717
- APA PsycNet. (n.d.). https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2017-37800-001.
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