In the internet and the world of social media, it is easy to feel inferior and outdated while we watch the world grow so fast and everyone in their loved-up relationships. At times, when we fail at our tasks or responsibilities one after another, we unknowingly start rejecting ourselves with the thought that we can’t do anything right. Also, we are often overwhelmed with external expectations and comparisons. Here is when we need self-love, which will directly impact our relationships, health, and happiness.
Positive psychology says, that by nurturing self-love and a positive relationship with yourself, you can stop all negative, self-critical thoughts and feel more content and happier from within[1]. You can experience a great impact from self-love, particularly in relationships because it has been found that when we are content and happy within, we are better at shaping our relationships with everyone around us, we accept success and failures in a balanced way and we are less prone to physical or mental health issues.
Let’s explore what self-love is, the impact of self-love in relationships, and how it affects our health and emotional well-being. We will also explore how to overcome the struggles of loving yourself.
What is Self-Love?
Self-love is the practice of feeling good about yourself[1]. Often, we confuse self-love with being selfish or arrogant, instead, it’s about understanding your needs and valuing yourself as you are. Like every relationship, the one with yourself requires care and patience.
In the words of Mason Olds, “Often we are reluctant to promote self-love mostly because we confuse it with selfishness. Since we are humans, we ought to have a healthy love for ourselves; it is from this fount that love flows out to others.”[2]
How Does Self-Love Impact Relationships?
Self-love can lead to a series of processes that affect relationships. With self-love, you develop high self-esteem and show up in relationships as strong, confident, and secure. Having high self-esteem and loving yourself can make it much easier to have positive, loving connections with other people.
A renowned author and motivational speaker, Robin Sharma said, “It is only when you have mastered the art of loving yourself that you can truly love others[3].” This proves the importance of self-love in relationships.
Here are some immediate benefits you might experience in your relationships once you start loving
yourself.
Get Rid of ‘The Fear of Rejection’
In relationships, we often agree with others even when we have different points of view. This is because we are afraid of being rejected. Our insecurity in relationships, low confidence, and self-doubt create such fear of rejection.
However, when start loving ourselves, we are more confident to speak our minds. Sometimes, saying what’s on your mind balances the love and respect in the relationship, and with self-love, we can speak with confidence and nurture the relationship better without any fear of being rejected.
Develops More Compassion in Relationships
Practicing self-love creates more love and compassion within and when we have a lot of love inside us, we will be able to give it in our relationships too. This can be understood with a famous saying, ‘An empty vessel can’t quench the thirst. There is a high impact of self-love in relationships as with abundant love for self, we can shower abundant love in relationships.
Limitless Happiness Without External Validation
A lot of people base how they feel about themselves on what other people think of them. So, they will only feel good about their appearance on days that someone compliments them, they will only feel proud of their work or art if someone else likes it or they will only feel confident in their outfit if a friend is wearing something similar.
This means that we can be very much dependent on external validation (or the approval of others). However, when you practice self-love, you learn to value and appreciate yourself, your choices, and your worth irrespective of what other people think.
This can help your relationships as you aren’t feeling judged in relationships rather your focus will be on enjoying the company.
Self-Love Leads to Love For Others
When you love yourself, you are not conscious about your looks, your words, your body language, etc. because you unconditionally love and accept yourself. You are then able to focus on sharing love and care and are more capable of accepting others. With self-love, you become empathetic and this allows you to be more compassionate and supportive in your relationships. Thus, developing self-love can be a blessing in relationships.
How Self-Love Affects Our Well-Being
Most diseases start with negative thoughts and thus reframing it can help lower your risk of illness, and increase your energy. By developing self-love, we learn to take better care of ourselves. Self-love helps reduce stress in us and also protects us from negative thoughts. Even small acts of self-care in our daily lives can have a big impact. So, let’s see how it impacts various aspects of our well-being.
Self-love and Our Mental Health
Research shows that in most of the extreme mental health issues, people in the initial stage were diagnosed with negative feelings, low self-esteem, and self-doubt. These when not taken care of at the initial stage result in depression and anxiety[5]. Practicing self-love helps us in living with a positive mindset and when we have no negative thoughts, it is less likely to develop any mental health issues.
Self-love and Our Physical Health
Self-love is not just about feeling good about yourself and liking yourself, it is also about nourishing your body. Taking care of yourself, your hair, your body, etc.
People who practice self-love tend to take better care of their bodies. They exercise regularly, eat nutritious foods, and get enough sleep because they recognize the importance of their physical health.
Biggest Struggles in Loving Yourself
Though the concept of self-love is gaining popularity among the masses, practicing it seems difficult at times.
Why is loving ourselves so hard?
We wrestle with thoughts and feelings that loving ourselves is somehow selfish and unloving toward other people around us. We think we should always be focused on loving and helping other people but that’s not true. Loving ourselves is the first step in being able to truly love others.
Here are some reasons why we find it difficult to love ourselves in the same way we love our loved ones.
1. Our Experiences Don’t Match What We’re Told
In our childhood, we hear, “You are worthy,” “Each person has infinite value,” and “We are all beautiful, talented, amazing, in our way,” and we may even believe it for a while. Then, we go out into the harsh world where our beauty and talent are compared to others, where we are judged, and where we learn to judge ourselves. Suddenly, our self-worthy thoughts vanish because we were never taught how to maintain love and acceptance for ourselves, and unfortunately, the lack of self-love starts to impact our relationships.
Our parents or family are often part of this self-doubt system. They may, knowingly or unknowingly, instill in us a struggle with self-worth, through years of criticism, mixed messages, or withheld love. Even if our parents were loving and taught us self-worth, teachers, friends, and others around us can tarnish our sense of self-worth, if we buy into their lies.
Media also contributes, for sure. Images of those who are slimmer, smarter, richer, faster, more creative, more successful, or more beautiful plaster the world outside, and create doubt in our world within.
2. We Pay More Attention to Negative Experiences Than Positive Ones
We ignore all the positive evidence of our beauty and worth, opting instead to cling to the negatives. In psychology this is called “The Negativity Bias,” and it means that we humans are more likely to remember and hold to the negatives of life than the positives[4]. We’re also more likely to let the negatives influence our future behavior.
3. We Don’t Trust Ourselves
The bottom line, we don’t believe ourselves. We keep looking for ways to build our “esteem” in the world to feel better about ourselves by being better than someone else.
But all of these paths to “self-esteem” will ultimately fail, for they are built on a system of self-doubt. Instead, we must learn to trust ourselves and let go of the opinions and voices of others.
How to Practice Self-Love?
Practice Daily Self-Compassion
Writing a daily journal, gratitude sentences or even a small positive self-talk in front of the mirror can do the magic.
Set Healthy Boundaries in Your Relationships
Don’t force yourself to fit in all the terms. The way you respect everyone’s thoughts and feelings, make sure you do to yourself too.
Prioritize Your Physical and Mental Well-being
Mediation, physical workouts, self-talk, and yoga are some basic practices to start. If you are fully new to these then just start with simple breathing exercises and you will find your way gradually.
Celebrate Your Strengths and Accomplishments
Always believe in “actions speak louder than words”. So, start taking action for your dreams and goals or for anything you want to accomplish and compare your improvement graphs rather than comparing with others.
Let Go of Negative Self-Talk
Thoughts are like random wind and they will come and go but it is we who shelter them and nurture them in our mind. So, whenever any negative thought comes, believe they will go and ignore it fully as it’s not going to stay unless you keep thinking about it.
Invest Time in Your Passions and Hobbies
When we do things we love and enjoy, we are filled with love and joy. So, it is very important to spend time on your favorite activities.
Surround Yourself with Positive Influences
If you have heard of the saying, “one rotten apple can spoil the whole basket.” So, remember this and surround yourself with positive people around you.
Learn to Say No Without Guilt
Always remember your one “NO” won’t break the relationship but it might help you build more and more happy relationships. If you say, ‘Yes’ to anything unwillingly, your negative energy will drain your relationship.
Practice Mindfulness and Stay Present
Mediation, Writing Journals, Sitting in Nature, Doing Yoga or Exercise will always bring you closure to your higher self and will keep you in love and peace with yourself. Once you are happy, everything around you will be happy too.
What Self-Love in Relationships Can Lead To?
Self-love is the foundation of our well-being, nurturing our health, relationships, and happiness. In relationships, self-love allows us to give and receive love fully. It’s the key to a joyful life and a peaceful, purposeful journey. Without it, we can’t truly care for others or achieve our true potential.
References
[1] Courtney E. Ackerman, MA. What Is Self-Compassion and What Is Self-Love?, Scientifically reviewed by Jo Nash, Ph.D
[2] Mason Olds. Dictionary, Thesaurus
[3] Fadzai Mushayamunda and Sophie Caldwell, 105 self-love quotes By Robin Sharma
[4] From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Negativity bias
[5] Health Direct. Self-esteem and mental health Free Australian Health Advisor
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